the first trimester

Saturday, February 3, 2018

Pregnancy after a loss is really different. As grateful and excited as I was, as much as I couldn't wait to meet this baby, I could emotionally feel myself keep it all at arm's length for a while. Even after coming out of my first trimester, I could feel myself having a hard time warming up and connecting to the pregnancy + baby. I knew my love for the baby was there, I just didn't want to be hurt by being too emotionally invested should we lose the baby.

Coupled with those disconnected emotions came crippling anxiety. I am blessed to have an OB who is incredibly understanding and was always willing to hear me out. Bless her nurse who answered my panicked calls every week for a few weeks in a row. I had additional ultrasounds and rounds of tests, and their response was always, "Let's bring you in and if nothing else, put your mind at ease." I am forever grateful to them for that.

Since this was a pregnancy after a miscarriage, my OB had me brought in for a round of tests right off the bat, and my progesterone was low. My body didn't accept the 200mg a night, so I had an ultrasound to confirm my pregnancy was viable and was then upped to 400mg a night. We found out at that ultrasound that I was roughly a month further along than we'd originally thought (YAY!) and the nightly progesterone knocked me out. As if I wasn't tired enough from teaching all day + family at home, the progesterone had me asleep with Sophia each evening.

My symptoms also didn't really kick in until weeks 8-9, which had me very panicky thinking something must be wrong. Turns out all was good with the little, and when my symptoms came, they hit me like a train. Thankfully, the progesterone mellowed out my morning sickness enough that I was nauseous all day but didn't throw up. That came at week 11 when my progesterone supplements were finished. My favorite random way my body coped with the nausea this time around was by sneezing. I would be nauseous, feel like I would be sick, sneeze, and all was fine for a couple of hours.

Weeks 6 and 12 I did have some hemorrhaging which wasn't terrifying at week 6 (that was how we found out I was pregnant) but was at week 12. Thankfully, it was a 1/2 day at school and my admin sent me home immediately. My OB got me in for a sonogram as soon as I was leaving school, so I was able to head straight to the clinic. I've never cried in an ultrasound before, until that one. Baby was big enough that I couldn't see the flicker of the heartbeat on the screen like when they're tiny, but the sonographer immediately said, "There's the heartbeat!" and I lost it. Biggest moment of relief I've ever had.

In all, I'd say my first trimester was relatively easy in terms of symptoms although more drama-filled than my first trimester with Sophia. My morning sickness was worse with her, but my exhaustion was definitely ramped up this time. Maybe because I was teaching (first trimester with Sophia was during the summer) and chasing a toddler? Regardless, I've never taken 2 naps a day as an adult until this pregnancy!

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