and sometimes, it's "no"

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

"God answers prayers three ways: yes, no, and not right now."

March 30th was my 26th birthday. It was also a day filled with two answers to recent prayers.

My dad had gone the week prior to get a biopsy done on a tumor near his tonsils. The local ENT had been honest and said those tumors are typically cancerous. The biopsy came back as normal tissue, but the doctor couldn't believe it. My parents chose to go to a more specialized doctor on March 30th rather than the local doctor for a second opinion. This time, the doctor was a little more thorough and the results came back as cancerous.

While my mom was in the waiting room, she texted me saying Sophia's genetic testing results should be back on whether she has Long QT Syndrome or not. I called Familion and sure enough, they had just faxed over the results to her electrophysiologist that morning. After a few phone calls, the office pulled some strings since her doctor is out of the office all week, and they were able to get a nurse who came to see her in the NICU (just ironic that it worked out that way, but sweet nonetheless) to read us the results. Sophia shows the same genetic mutation was my grandma, the same genetic mutation that I have. She has Long QT Syndrome.

We really thought she didn't have it. My mom said on May 9th, she was at a conference and out of nowhere felt that God was telling her Long QT would not go into the next generation. I wasn't even pregnant yet, so it wasn't like this was something on everyone's minds. Austen & I really believed she didn't have it.

So the news that she does completely caught us off guard.

Austen took me out to a local pasta shop for my birthday and I remember thinking in the car, 'Should we have grabbed the AED? What if we need the AED?' I haven't thought like that in the past 6 weeks... this sudden spirit of fear completely caught me off guard. Heck, I've missed giving her beta blockers to her a time or two but thought little of it. Now, I want to cry and beat myself up if I'm late with them. I am so fearful. And I don't like that.

My sister sent me Psalm 23 today, which is ironic because that's exactly what our pastor went over on Sunday and I wrote a hundred notes in the margins. I told her I know I need to trust God with Sophia, but it is so much easier said than done. The "what ifs" are horrible. I was worried enough about her spitting up and choking while I'm not paying attention, now I'm even more worried about something happening to her sweet little heart. And I'm helpless.

God answered our prayers this time with "no's". No, my dad's tumor is not benign. No, Sophia will have Long QT. So now my prayers have shifted. If this is our reality, then I pray that my dad's cancer will be healed quickly and that Sophia will have no symptoms of Long QT in her life. My momma has no symptoms of Long QT, although I have many. I just pray that Sophia has none, other than her low(ish) heart rate.

Please, if you're the praying type, will you do the same?

I know this all sounds so melancholy. Honestly, although I find myself more worried, I'm handling it all okay. My dad has a fantastic team of doctors working with him, and the same goes for Sophia. She has the best children's electrophysiologist in Las Vegas who has a special interest in Long QT. We could not ask for better care. Like I told one of my girlfriends - it's not necessarily a big deal, just a big bummer. This isn't our first rodeo with Long QT, and my dad's cancer is easily treatable.

But what a day to receive a whole heck-of-a-lot of crummy news. Let's hope the rest of my 26th year is a little less eventful.

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