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my little testimony

Saturday, February 1, 2014

We're kicking off February with a big 'ole heart-to-heart. I won't lie, but I struggled with writing this post. There's a lot of directions I considered going with it, but ultimately ended up with this.

A few randoms about me first: I'm the oldest of 3 girls, as my parents had 3 babies in 3 years ((God bless 'em)). I'm the shortest in my entire family, coming in at 5'4". I'm obsessed with bows and polka dots. I have a rare heart condition called Long QT Syndrome and have had a pacemaker/defib since I was 14. I'll be having my 3rd surgery for my 3rd device in the next couple of years. Hydrangeas and lilies are my favorite flowers. I am just under 1/2 Polish and am slowly learning to speak and read it. Now that you know those randoms, onto my testimony...



I grew up in a loving, Christian home. I was always involved in something: the church youth group, babysitting, mission trips, volunteering in Sunday School, or dance. I was sweet and naive, but I liked it that way. Just 3 weeks before my senior year of high school, my dad's job moved us from Missouri to North Texas. I was devastated.

Around this time, I began struggling with a rebellious heart and depression. Anxiety and depression began to come and go in waves, which I tried to deal with sometimes. I hit an all time low after an abusive relationship ended, and my college roommate moved out in the same month. I took antidepressant/anxiety medication, and while it worked like it was supposed to, it wasn't for me ((that's just me, personally)). It got me to a point where I could emotionally gather the strength to face some of my issues, instead of just getting through each day. What ended up working for me was my sweet rescue dog, Lilly Mae. She became my little sunshine that kept me company in my apartment, and later in my house I co-bought with my parents.

Throughout all of this, I was unwelcome at the Bible study I had been a part of through ministry. Friends didn't agree with choices I had made, and left me to fend for myself relationally. I stopped going to church, and eventually got more comfortable in the comfort of my bed on Sunday mornings than in the comfort of God's house. Having literally grown up in church, this was especially hard for me.

Fast forward almost 6 years later: I'm married to the love of my life who is beyond good to me, living on the west coast, with two sweet fur babies. I teach first grade, am an active spouse in Austen's squadron, and a little housewife. We have a beautiful little home here and a sweet life I could never have dreamed of.

I still get anxious from time to time, but everyone does. I know how to cope with it now, and am especially focusing on relaxing in 2014 to help reduce those anxieties. I'm still relearning how to trust Christians, and find that community within the body of Christ. I'm looking forward to small Bible study through Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist next month with some sweet ladies.

Life is not perfect. Never. But, what I have realized is that it is always beautiful. And that I am blessed. Always in some way, and usually in whole heaping bunches.

 Blog Everyday in February

4 comments:

  1. Katie, thanks for sharing. I think we all struggle with anxiety at least a little bit. Life is definitely not perfect, but we serve a God who is able to turn the ugly into something beautiful. I'm glad that you see the beauty in your life and pray that God will continually show you his love and grace.

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    1. Thank you so much, Michelle! I always appreciate extra prayers <3

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  2. That was a great post, thank you for writing it. I loved the ending, it explained life beautifully. Excited to link up with you for the challenge this month!

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    1. Thank you so much! I'm excited to be linking up with all ya'll this month. :)

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I love all ya'lls comments! I will try to either respond to your comment via the post or in email to ((hopefully)) create a more personal conversation.

xoxo

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